Not Quite Tara

Five Minute Friday's

2011-09-16T11:25:00.000-07:00

I have been reading several blogs lately that have a Five Minute Friday. The rules are quite easy...for writers! Write for five minutes flat - no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking. I have been so inspired by these women! I can't tell you the number of times that I have read a blog posting and thought...that was exactly what I needed to hear! Now I know my writing is lousy. No funny stories, no pithy comments, no words of wisdom. But maybe...maybe I can allow God to shine through and encourage someone. And I will start with Five Minute Friday. Today's word is JOY.

Ready...set...start

Interesting word. I know all of the proper things I am to say. But the point that they were trying to get across is to CHOOSE JOY. How often am I amazed that people are able to see the wonders of God in a sunset which I don't even take the time to notice!

This is a choice we have. And I spend way WAY too much time wallering in my defeats or just worrying about things that are absolutely out of my control.

So, for this weekend...I am going to choose joy! Let's see what we can accomplish when I look at things from a cheerful, joyful position. God has blessed me tremendously.

Now I just need to live His blessings!!!

STOP...

Wow that was interesting. Not planning on doing anything with this like link to the blog but if you are curious to read some other takes on joy...check this out: http://thegypsymama.com

Have a great weekend!

More in the continuing sage with "T"

2011-06-27T11:04:00.000-07:00

Since no one reads this blog I am using it to keep track of the stuff going on with T since the last time she had a list of everything I had done wrong...and since I don't care enough about all of this to waste brain cells I am going to do the documenting here. I mean, I swear this woman had a listing of EVERY possible time I had done something that she didn't like/hurt her feelings/or upset her in any way. The sad thing...I remember none of it. In most cases when she brought it up it shocked me that she was hurt. Anyway....

OK...this is the first Sunday evening we have had DT since our preacher left. I am the sub in his class so I figured it was my responsibility to plan something and I did. Even tho it was only a video! After our service, I announced that our class would be meeting in the sanctuary. At that time "T" came up to me and said something to the affect that she was surprised that I had something planned because she is the DT Director and all. I offered to back down she said no need, go ahead. And then informed me that she had talked to someone about teaching the class and he was looking at the material. First of all, we don't have material in this class. When I said that she said she had to talked to Bonnie about getting some and "he" was going to review the material and see if he was willing to teach. Would not tell me who when I questioned...which is fine. But NONE of this was discussed in our class. We spoke a few weeks ago when Byron resigned about the need for a man to step up...I don't feel I should be teaching this class. But we certainly didn't talk about any material.

Why do I let myself be upset by this kind of stuff? She is just flexing...but I did end up calling Bonnie and asking if I was out of line to be concerned. She had been presented with the need for material by T and was under the impression that we as a class had discussed it. So she didn't feel I was out of line but now as I write this I just continue to be sad. When we need to be circling the wagons this is coming up. AND I REFUSE TO LET SATAN INVOLVE ME IN ANYTHING THAT WILL BE HARMFUL TO MY CHURCH!!!

Enough said...

Run me over

2011-06-14T07:33:00.000-07:00

WOW....still almost a week later (and after several interesting/sad events) I feel like I have been run over by a bus/truck/train!! Last Wednesday night I had the powwow with the preacher and the women in my church. We will call her "T". Basically, it all comes down to...she is jealous of my relationship with the preachers wife and is upset that I no longer talk to her. I tried to take the blame for that. I am not in a position to allow myself to be in conversations with her because I have been convicted of all the gossiping we did...I just need to stay away. But she feels that she no longer gossips as she has also been convicted. Unfortunately, I find that difficult to believe as she had a long convo with someone while her phone butt/boob dialed a friend....and the fact that this happened was told to me in confidence so I couldn't bring that up!! Bottom line, if I said it one time I said it six...I can't been the kind of friend she wants. Ended with Bryon disappointed with me because I didn't come back at her but I knew there was no hope in that and just pretty much kept my mouth shut!!

Then, things went from bad to worse. One of our deacons had been in the hospital for over 2 weeks. He really began to go downhill on Thursday, so I sent a text to my sunday school ladies (past and present) including T, asking for prayer. As he got worse through the day, I continued to update this group, including T, and she then was the one to call me to let me know that this man had passed. With the funeral, feeding the family and all apparently she is taking this to mean we are best buds again...!!!

So done with it all. The Gray family will be leaving on Friday. We are having one last hoorah at the church on Wednesday night. Am tired of crying...I am going to miss them terribly! I hope God has a terrific man ready to come to our church, and soon!

And the beat goes on...

2011-06-08T09:16:00.000-07:00

Wow...since I had my last vomit of blog information to share there has been happenings at our church. Our pastor has resigned. UGH! As much as I hate this, it is strictly for selfish reasons. Once again, I have allowed myself to become personal friends with the preacher and, more importantly, his wife!! She is absolutely, without a doubt, my best friend here. The only person in the church that I feel able to open up even remotely!!! And now they are moving 2 hours away.

I have said I feel a peace about their move...he really has done all he can here until some folks decide to open up and make some changes. I know he is doing what God wants him to do but it is still going to be difficult. Not looking forward to is at all.

Then this morning I am told that he (the preacher) was approached by a woman in the church who has asked for a mediated meeting with me to see if we can straighten some things out. I knew immediately who he was talking about and I agreed. WOW...this should be interesting. How do you tell someone that the reason you don't speak with her anymore is because you have been convicted of gossiping?! I am alittle concerned however, because he said that these kind of meetings can be good or they can be hurtful. Makes me wonder what she has said to him about me!!! So, I am spending the rest of the day praying. Praying that I will keep my comments civil. Praying that I don't say anything out of anger. Because in the grand scheme of things, this friendship really doesn't mean much to me. I will never allow myself to be in a position where I will trust her with anything more that can be used against me!! Thank I need to pray about that attitude too...

MY LIFE...PART THREE

2011-05-09T09:59:00.000-07:00

And I guess the thing that is concerning me most is my walk with God. I am struggling with everything lately. Quiet time is practically nonexistant. I spend way too much time trying to get inspiration from the internet...facebook...twitter. I mean they all can be good and I am just following Godly people but it so isn't necessary. And then I am critical of one church member. Who am I to be critical of her?!

I have attempted to do the Made to Crave bible study. Started with 8 people ended with just 2 of us. But why does that matter? The two of us got something out of it and those who didn't continue are the ones who missed out.

And then in Sunday School yesterday, I had a meltdown. In Sunday School. With Amanda. UGH!! I was interested in starting Lysa TerKeurst's More Than a Good Bible Study Girl study and we watched the first weeks DVD.

OH...and did I mention that the insprection stickers on both the VW and the truck expired the end of April? Just sayin...

Back on track. I want so much to have an accountability group. Atleast I think I do but after talking with Amanda I am not sure I really do. I mean it has become apparent to me that we talked alot in my family (dinner time for example) but we never really talked ABOUT anything that mattered. Eddie and I are the same way. I write this because I don't think I could ever make him understand my craziness. We talk about absolutely nothing that means anything. When we do talk it is usually me complaining/yelling and he just lets me rant. Wehave been together for more than 20 years and he still has no idea of the crazy things that go on in my head. The times I am grateful that I made it home without driving head on into a semi. WOW...actually said that out loud.

Need to get my mess straightened out...

MY LIFE...PART TWO

2011-05-09T09:21:00.000-07:00

Ed's orders with the National Guard where over the end of March 2011. The two months prior, there was something crazy going on with his paychecks...they say he was overpaid last year and starting taking money out each payperiod to repay. I was unable to get an answer from Ed about what/why this was being done. Still haven't really...he keeps insisting that there were payments made during the past year that he shouldn't have gotten. My feeling is that since he has been paid the same amount for the past several years...I don't follow. Asked him to get copies of his LES forms and show me but we have gotten no where with that. In the meantime, the bimonthly checks went from $2400 to $800. Quite a reduction in pay...

Then they stopped completely in April. With no prospects of any new job. It was over a month before he even started to look. And apply for unemployment?? Why we didn't do that until April 18th and a week later when I ask about it I am told "they need a copy of my orders". OK!!! And in the middle of all this...the VA decides that Caitlin is no longer eligible for any benefits. The 36 months became 12 and they cut her off. Fortunately, I had a little put away to pay for the balance due on this quarters tuition bill and to have her wisdom teeth removed. Did I mention that she needed to have all four removed??!!

And have I said anything about the fact that my house is not my home anymore? I love that fact that Bryce and Jed are living with us but I hate when Jed is working third shift. He gets to spend so much more time with his son...but that means that Bryce gets to spend so much more time with his Dad - read UNDISCIPLINED!! Church is becoming unbearable. I am amazed that those sitting around us haven't moved. Caitlin got to see it in all his glory yesterday.

I come home at night, go to my room and stay there. There is absolutely no interaction with the guys. It is absolute insanity most of the time. Either watching the SYFY channel or Spongebob Squarepants!! Even Hannah has started to hide. I was concerned because she kept sleeping next to the wall behind the desk at the door. Then she moved over to behind Eddie's chair and it dawned on me that she was hiding too!! The girls in this house are definately outnumbered!

All this is going on with a child who has moved home with his child and over the course of the last two years that they have been with us he has given me $150 to pay bills. I mean....really? He has a full time job. Even his vehicle is his dad's and we pay the insurance for it. I feel like a complete dube...we have allowed him to overtake our home, our finances and everything. Our lives revolve around Jed and Bryce. I want to do the right thing by them....but I am to where I don't know what that is anymore!

TO BE CONTINUED...

MY LIFE FALLING APART....PART ONE

2011-05-09T07:04:00.000-07:00

Really had a difficult weekend...well actually it's been the past several weeks and I am struggling to make sense of it all. Maybe writing will help so you are now subject to the ramblings of a 50+ year old crazy woman. Grab a cup of coffee and relax. It may be worth a few minutes of your time!!

Everything really started to fall apart a few months ago when I was planning a Simulcast of Pricilla Shirer's Going Beyond event. At the last minute I had gone to the Feminar event in Longview, TX and really felt the Lord telling me to arrange for the Simulcast. We needed something for the ladies in our church since they had cancelled the Women of Faith Conference in Shreveport this year. Maybe this was the first downfall...maybe it wasn't God leading me! But I sincerely felt led...so I got home, talked to Byron and got his encouragement and signed up.

As usual, I was much more excited about the Simulcast than most of the women in our church. Thank goodness there were a few exceptions! Jeana and Berry Wayne really kept me going. And the Simulcast itself was FANTASTIC!! God was definately in the house that Friday night. Just what I needed.

Then Good Friday...Secret Church with David Platt. Couldn't get any one to go with me so I went to a church in West Monroe by myself. The most interesting, blessed, learning 6 hours!!! So sorry I couldn't get any one to come with me. I mean seriously, 6 hours of bible study with David Platt. Awesome!!

I then spent several days listening to various preachers on the internet. Lifechurch.tv's pastor, Craig Groeschel, spoke on "Wierd because Normal Isn't Working", onfire-ministries.org had an awesome testimony, David Platt's first chapter of his new Radical book was stirring. Oh, and listened to Perry Noble at NewSpring and Steven Furtick at Elevation church.

All this, along with listening to nothing but Christian music and following new inspirational people on Twitter, have been very good for my mental facilities! The problem was that during this time everything at home was falling apart. TO BE CONTINUED...

HE HAS ARRIVED!!

2011-02-18T07:24:00.000-08:00

At 12:32 AM, Monday, February 14, 2011 our sweet Noah Thomas was born. I cannot even begin to explain how full my heart feels!! I went to Memphis on Monday and was able to spend a couple of days holding him...he is PERFECT!!!

Had to come back for work and can't go back this weekend because Grandpa has a cold but Caitlin and I are planning a trip in two weeks. Jed should be off so Bryce will be taken care of and she will be done with school. She is very anxious to see her nephew!!!

God is good!

So Glad It's Friday

2011-02-11T10:46:00.000-08:00

Almost done with week one of Made to Crave. I should have gotten the book on my Kindle. Stuggling to keep up. I am alone with Bryce in the evening and as much as I absolutely love it...it makes it difficult to get all my reading done at night. Am going to have to try the morning.

Have really struggled all the way around this week. Our word for this week is EMPOWERED and I have felt anything but this week. Ate oreo cookies last night...not going to lie...it was 12 of them. But I am trying to look at this failure as a new start!! Must get more exercise in this week!

Drill this weekend so Tanker won't be home. His birthday is Sunday so he is convinced that Big Bubba's baby will be born that day! this granny is ready!! Then Sunday night he goes into the VA for a sleep study. That should be interesting!

My remember....chant...thought for the day is: The scale can measure the weight of my body but never the worth as a woman. Thank you Lysa!!

Made To Crave

2011-02-08T08:32:00.000-08:00

OK...back to life as we know it!! We have started a new bible study - Made To Crave - and it has been an interesting journey. I started back on Weight Watchers at the first of the year and had seen info about this new book on the KLove radio stations website. Food has such control over my life...and not in a good way! I had quit smoking about four years ago but the only way I have been able to maintain is by not starting again. I would love, LOVE to have a cigarette even today but I know that if I have one it is all over! But food...

Food is a whole different story. We need food to sustain us daily but the excess is just not necessary. I have got to get the right balance...and like with smoking, I cannot do it by myself. This has to be a God thing! So if you are interested in joining me in the journey, please feel free.

The good thing with this attempt at weight loss is that while I would love to get into some skinny jeans it is more about being able to play with Bryce and to be around for the new grandbaby.

so....our word for this week is EMPOWERED. And satan tried first thing this morning to set me up to fail but I am not denied...I am empowered to make better choices. Please pray for me and my group of ladies. Pray that we get away from craving food and find peace in craving God!!

One day at a time

2010-03-26T13:46:00.000-07:00

Slowly but surely, we are getting things off our To-Do list:

1. Kitchen - backsplash has been installed. Love, love LOVE it! Now I am debating painting one wall red.

2. Little Bubba's bathroom - flooring is done. I told hubby that it wouldn't need painted but as soon as he got the flooring down I realized it needed to be freshened up a bit. That was done with Eddie Bauer Pecan. Today the hubster is adding the new molding.

3. Our master bath. We ordered the ceiling (Armstrong tounge and groove planks) but they won't be in for a week or so. Painting was completed last night (Alabaster by Eddie Bauer). Flooring has been purchased and will go down last.

4. Master bedroom. I have moved the office stuff into the red room and am reclaiming this room!! Picked out the paint and need to get the bedding. Why does Better Homes and Gardens advertise their bedding and then not have it available at Walmart? Debating on ordering it online but I so want to get this room done yesterday!!

5. The red room has been reclaimed. I moved the boys into BB's old room and have the office and all my craft stuff in there. Needs some tweeking.

6. Little Bubba's bedroom. Moved the boys into BB's old room and got him a new comforter. Need to try dying the drapes and have him install the blinds.

7. Finished my SPRING decorations and would love to include a picture here. That is the next thing I am learning to do!!!

Onward...

And another one off the list!!

2010-03-19T13:00:00.000-07:00

The bug has truly hit!! Last night I finished a shadow box I was making for our daughter using the Mardi Gras mask she got this year and some of the beads. Need to get a picture of this...really proud!

And hubby got the floor down in the small bathroom this morning. We need to get some more molding tomorrow but it is about done! And he has figured how much we need for our bathroom. Hopefully I will get that purchased tomorrow too!!

Slowly but surely...

Lately...

2010-03-18T14:21:00.000-07:00

I have been stalking...er, lerking...er, checking out alot of crafting, home remodeling blogs. There are so, SO many things I want to do at the house and we are finally getting things done. The list:

1. Trash green couch in the living room and rearrange furniture. CHECK!

2. Take out carpet in small bathroom and put down tile. Carpet up, tile down tomorrow!

3. Take out carpet in master bath and put down tile.

4. Put up new tounge and groove ceiling in master bathroom. Have it picked out!

5. Put new backsplash in kitchen. I have picked it out and Tanker purchased it yesterday!!

6. Flower beds cleaned out and new mulch put down. Jed weeded. I need to buy mulch.

7. Need to "spring" up our master bedroom. Not sure what I am going to do yet.

I have been more productive since my last pity party! I got Caitlin's bedroom cleaned out and moved Bubba #2 into there. The red room is now back to being a spare bedroom and I was able to move all my craft stuff in there and organize it alittle. I have been nesting I guess and wanted my quilts and quilt racks back out so they have come out of storage and are in the revamped living room.

Maybe this spring will be the beginning of something good...

Scarlett

It is now official...

2010-02-05T08:30:00.000-08:00

The pity party is over! I have decided things aren't going to get any better sleeping my way through life.

So...I am starting the crafting plans. I want to make a Family Rules Canvas for our house, a House Rules Canvas for Caitlin's apartment and redo my bedroom.

I have done better this week. Dinner was prepared every night this week!!!

My soldier is home but boy has life changed!!

2010-02-02T11:39:00.000-08:00

I have been having an impressive pity party lately and last night I thought that maybe blogging would get things out and into perspective. So here goes...

Tanker came home and we prepared for deployment. In the meantime, he had a stress test and failed. Then they scheduled him for a heart cath. My crazy mind thought OK God...I have prayed he won't go back to Iraq and maybe a stint is your solution. And then he failed the heart cath! Actually, he did fine, the docs just felt there was too much damage to make repairs with stints and they sent us to the VA in Houston. Did I mention this happened right before Christmas...and that Bryce left to go "visit" his mother the day after Christmas? Another day...

So, we go to Houston. I want to start all this by saying the folks at the Houston VA are absolutely wonderful. We had terrific care at the hospital and I was allowed to stay at the Fisher House so, although I was responsible for my meals, all the housing was paid for and with 2+ weeks in the hospital we would have had an outrageous hotel bill. The Fisher House Foundation is on my favorite list of charities!!

Jan 3, 2010 arrive in Houston after an 8 hour drive. UGH!!! And I wouldn't let him drive after the heart cath so it was all on me! We were told their would be 2 or 3 days of testing and then they would do surgery (triple bypass). So we show up for a 9 AM appt on Monday with the cardiology team...begin going through a list of clinics to visit and by 3 PM they are calling to say that they will be doing the surgery tomorrow. TOMORROW...as in Tuesday!! Frantic calls to pastor who got in his car right away (bless you Byran) and MIL who was already on her way. I guess the good thing is we didn't have time to really get our heads around this...no time to be the Obsessive Compulsive Worrier that I have come to be so proficiently.

Jan 5, 2010 arrive at the Michael Debakey VA Medical Center bright and early and by 7 AM he is on his way to surgery. Fortunately, Byran got there around 8 AM so my time alone was limited. And now we wait...and wait...and wait. The only complaint I have is that I was told that someone would update me occasionally, but I didn't hear anything until the surgery was over. I got into see him around 3 PM in the SICU and fortunately Byran was with me because even though my mother had prepared me for all the tubes...I still didn't recognize him. He was on a vent, had chest tubes, and just was not his normal self. Fortunately, he did know I was there and I was able to spend some time with him, sent his mother in to see him and headed back to the Fisher House to crash. I don't think I have ever been that tired before...

From there "normal" recovery began. We had issues with his intestines not waking up very quickly, his white count not coming down very quickly and vertigo came to visit during the surgery and has not left. We were finally able to leave Houston on January 19, 2010 and this crazy girl decided to take the heart patient home after his 2 PM appt. that day...meaning we didn't get back to Forest until 11 PM. I know, not much sense but I really, REALLY needed to get home!!

I go through all this to catch you up. We are back home, I am back to work and each day seems to be a better one for Tanker. He is still on orders and I don't know what the National Guard will do with him. I am afraid they may medically retire him. There are pluses and minuses to that. As long as the paychecks keep coming in I am reserving my upset with the Army. I am sure that will come another day!!

Things are just different at home. Tanker gets up, moves to the couch, and heads back to bed for a nap occasionally. We are going to church but that is about it. He gets out to walk daily with a trip to WalMart every once in awhile.

I, on the other hand, am really struggling with this. He is doing better and I know in my mind that it is just a day at a time. But man...oh man...how did we end up here? Aren't we alittle young for this? Most days I just want to stay in the bed and unfortunately I am doing that most Saturdays. Last Sunday I got up, went to church, came home and crashed, got up for a 4:15 pm meeting at the church, went back home to bed, got back up and went to our Dave Ramsey meeting at the church at 7PM. How productive is that? I am trying to feed us more healthy foods and am successful once in a while but need to get focused.

We go back to Houston next weekend. We are having his mother and step-dad drive us (whole nother issue) and will get there in time to watch the Super Bowl in the hotel room. Then blood work and x-ray Monday morning and doc appt a 2:30 PM. My hope is they will release him to the Shreveport VA. They have got to get his vertigo under control because even if he wanted to he couldn't go back to work now...he is using a walker. Maybe we can trade that in for a cane...

So I am done fussing. I have SO much to be thankful for. I need to get busy and start doing some crafting and/or spring cleaning. My house sure needs it!!!

Missing my soldier

2009-11-03T07:25:00.001-08:00

It has finally stopped raining...and it didn't stop a minute too soon. But now they have been called for flood duty. I am proud of the work that the hubby does but I sure miss giving up my weekend with him.

And now he will probably just have time to fly through, get his clean clothes, and head on to his next assignment. He won't be home until just before Thanksgiving. Guess I need to look at this as a trial run for the deployment!!

Ok I lied.

2009-10-21T10:56:00.000-07:00

Maybe I am not as prepared for this deployment as I thought. I had an awful time sleeping last night. Need to get a plan together to not allow sleeplessness to become a real problem. Don't want to go through the whole "planning the funeral" thing again!!

And the ride begins....again!

2009-10-20T07:33:00.000-07:00

We are rapidly approaching the beginning of deployment #2 and I need to vent.

After the last deployment, Tanker stayed on Active Duty for three years and just returned to the Guard at the beginning of this year. When he returned to the Guard, he was listed as non-deployable (by the Army). Now as the deployment approached, he was required to go through SRP and now, according to the great state of Louisiana, he is deployable! It is obvious they must need numbers! His feeling is that once they report to Camp Shelby in January, the Army will, once again, deem him non-deployable, and send him home. The sad thing is, he would be thrilled to go again. And if send him home, they may make him retire.

I have really accepted this whole situation. Find it rather funny to be honest. Maybe funny isn't the right word...but I am okay with it. If he goes, we will be fine. God has everything under control. My problem...and need to vent...comes from the way this deployment is being handled by his unit. Last weekend, I sat with him and went through my phone tree list from the beginning of the first deployment. Most of the guys are out. There are a couple of old timers like Tanker and only one or two young guys returning. So, that means that the majority of the troop are new guys who have not been through a deployment...and neither have their families.

So, when they had their pre-deployment briefing I would hope to find alot of folks there. I admit I don't know alot of these folks, but with three troops there and based on the number of soldiers, they were looking to have in excess of 575. Guess what? There were less than 100. And I knew 4 other families...who all had been through a deployment already! Where are the new folks? But then again, where was the command? I understand the commander isn't married, but it was a perfect opportunity to get out and get to know the family members. No show! Everyone complains about the lack of support from the FRG while they are gone but noone does anything to encourage communication either before or after deployment. And that is a whole other soap box I could get on!!!

We have a get together next weekend that the troop has planned for the families. Hopefully more will be involved! If not, I will probably vent about that too!!

Enough for now...

Latest Updates

2009-09-04T12:02:00.000-07:00

Well, just when I think things are going to calm down and get back to normal (??) my world gets rocked again. And this time in a good way.

Our middle son, affectionately named Little Bubba, has moved home with his son...who will be all of three years old in October. Just when I thought I would be dealing with my empty nest...we are no longer empty.

And can I tell you that this child is a dream. Well...most of the time! We have had a couple of months to get used to all being together and have to admit that I would be kicking and screaming if they tried to take him away from me now!!!

For reasons I will never understand, his mother has given him to his dad and allowed them to move 10 hours away.As much as I wish they were all able to be together as a family, I am grateful that we will be able to spend time with him.

So, we are getting into a routine. The first week they were here was Vacation Bible School at our church and he had a ball. He is falling into the routine there and doing Children's Choir on Wednesday night. They are getting something ready for Christmas and I am hopeful he will sing along. He has Jesus Loves Me down pat and the babysitter says he will very often get the other kids to sing along with him!!

Little Bubba is working at the grain elevator where I work. They are in the middle of harvest so he is working 12-13 hours a day and is absolutely exhausted. It allows me time with Bryce in the evening but this kid sure loves to spend time with his dad. He will fight sleep with all he has just to spend a couple of minutes with daddy at night!!

So pray for Grandma! My 50th birthday is rapidly approaching and I sure didn't think I would be running around after a three year old but I will admit it is too much fun!!!

Prayers Needed

2009-07-15T07:47:00.000-07:00

I went with a friend of mine to visit her best friend in the hospital last evening and it really was a slap in the face for me. We have dealt with a death in our extended family during the past few months and although I certainly was not ready for Bonnie Blue's Papa to leave us...I knew it was time. He had made his peace with the people he felt he needed to and his relationship with God was secure. I even had the "you need to tell him it is okay for him to go" discussion with his daughter. He was tired of fighting and just needed those he was leaving to let him know that it was okay.

Now I see this women who is younger than I am who has been fighting...and I mean FIGHTING...the situation she is in for years and she is just tired. And I cannot even begin to see how something good could come out of her passing. I firmly believe God has this all under control and normally don't question "why?" but this one is just beyond my understanding. I quess that is where faith comes in to play.

I spent the entire time driving to the hospital whining and complaining about a variety of things...only to get to the hospital and see that all that stuff doesn't matter. Please remember her in your prayers as well as her devoted husband and two children. She has been in the hospital for two weeks now and I don't think her husband has gone home once (not that we didn't offer to stay with her last night and send him home).

I am back...for the tenth time!!

2009-07-14T06:44:00.000-07:00

Finally back again! And this time it was over a year...guess you can take that to mean everything is going so well I don't need to blog nor have the time. It's a thought anyway!!!

Updates:

1. Tanker needs a new name!! His unit has gone from a tank unit to a cav scout troop and is scheduled to redeploy to Iraq the beginning of 2010. As of today, he is non-deployable; however, he will have to go before the medical review board. He is expecting that to happen in September so just a few months of wondering. They introduced him at the cav ball last weekend as the "oldest cav scout" so my hope is they will find him more valuable left in the states. I know he wants to go...there are still several young guys that he considers his kids that he is concerned about but this is the one time I am being selfish and hoping he stays home.

2. Big Bubba and Ms. Smitten are doing well. Big Bubba has started taking the CPA exams and passed the first one...only 4 more to go (I think). Ms. Smitten starts back to school in the fall working on becoming a Physicians Assistant. No grands yet but they are doing very well. Hard to believe he will be 28 years old later this month. Surely he can't be 28...that makes me WAY to old!!!

3. Little Bubba has moved back here with us along with his almost 3 year old son. It has been an eventful few weeks getting used to a young one in the house again but I am really grateful they are here and I am hopeful we can be the help Little Bubba needs to raise the little squirt. And if nothing else, I am sure he will provide lots of stuff to blog about.

4. Bonnie Blue is in her sophomore year of college and has moved off campus into a new apartment complex. They have finally opened the local restaurant where she is working so traveling to the closest location at 30 to 45 minutes is over. She will be working full time until school starts back up in September. I know she is happy living/working there but I miss having time with her. May have to get in the car this weekend and go visit.

5. I am back to work...at an agricultural firm doing weekly payroll and AP. Getting out of the house was a good thing. I am enjoying having something to do on a daily basis.

As a family we have had an eventful year. My father had quad bypass heart surgery, my mother had hernia surgery and we lost Bonnie Blue's Papa to cancer. This has definitely been enough for me!

See you next time...hopefully I will be more faithful.

Here we go again....

2008-05-23T14:08:00.000-07:00

I am...once again...negligent when it comes to my blogging! Story of my life. Alot has changed around here. Bonnie Blue is now officially a High School graduate! She decided to go ahead and start college this summer so she leaves in a few days. The nest is going to be empty soon!! This one has really hit me hard. I am glad Big Bubba got to come down and spend a few days with us. The two of them spent some quality time together and she really enjoyed it...shopping/dinner/movies!!

Tanker was home on leave last week for graduation and it was nice to pretend to be a normal family for a change! He left on Sunday and I was back to work on Monday...bored as usual...and checking out the web when I came across a headline that said something like "DoD announces latest troop deployments". Lately this has been so far off my radar that I am not sure what possessed me to clink on the headline but I did. The article outlined which active duty units were being deployed and noted four National Guard brigades that were slated to go...and of course there was Tanker's. I immedately got him on the phone and questioned him. You could tell from his tone of voice that he was busted. It turned out that he had gotten a call during his leave last week and intended on telling me after graduation. Gotta love the man...he knows I couldn't have handled it prior to graduation!!

Don't know what will happen now. He is scheduled to come off active duty orders in November. Not sure what we will do at that point. Hopefully they will have a better handle on the redeployment situation by then. Can't imagine that they will send a 52 yr old back to the sandbox but they took a 48 yr old the last time!!

Maybe I can keep this up now. Somewhere to vent!!

It all comes into perspective

2008-03-31T07:41:00.000-07:00

My biggest fear came true Friday night. One of the students from BB's school had a fatal car accident that night. This is a young lady a year behind her but one of those kids that you see daily in the halls. I know kids don't understand why we as parents worry so much but this is why.

And the beat goes on...

2008-03-25T12:07:00.000-07:00

Well, I am back again. Working now...so maybe I can be a little better about posting. If for no other reason than to have a written, dated listing of all of the medical symptoms I keep dealing with!

And the latest in "my journey through the medical community"...

The numbness in my right leg lasted about a month. Not sure what that was!!

Saw diabetic doc earlier this week. My A1C was a little higher than I would like. Just need to concentrate and watch my numbers closer. The problem was with my blood pressure. It had been high the last time I was in (3 months ago) and was up again this trip. So, let's add high blood pressure meds to the list. I told him that I was fed up with there being a new problem every time I see him and that I wasn't coming back! Fortunately this guy has a sense of humor.

He did make me feel better about looking for a second opinion on the MS/TIA dx. Said if it was his wife/mother, he would suggest a second opinion. So I am in search of a neurologist who specilizes in MS care. Currently on hold with the National Multiple Sclerosis Society to see what they can tell me about docs in this area.

Otherwise...we are getting ready for the end of Bonnie Blue's Senior year. Can't believe she is going to graduate. Prom is in 3 weeks and graduation is a month after that. Will save my rant about those costs for the next post!!!

Cool find

2007-12-16T14:39:00.001-08:00

Found this site today and thought I would share...

http://www.gratitudecampaign.org/fullmovie.php

Round 2

2007-12-07T19:40:00.000-08:00

Continuing from yesterdays rant...

This past year has been awful from a medical standpoint. I mean, I know how to handle medical issues. I have been a diabetic since I was 13 - in excess of 30 years now. I have taken up to three shots a day, spent more time in a doctors office than I care to remember and have done relatively well over the years! Began using the insulin pump about 4 years ago and honestly that was the best thing that had ever happened. No more shots!

I say all of this to stress that I am not incapable of handling medical issues. I am quite competent. Until this year.

It all started when I was with Tanker for his shoulder surgery. I was talking with my sister on the phone and she noticed that I was slurring my speech. Checked my blood sugar because this is one of the issues I have with a low but all was well. Tanker took me to the emergency room and they hooked me up to all kinds of machines, ran several blood tests and determined...well, not much. They weren't sure, didn't think it was a stroke but suggested that I check with my doc when I got home. My main concern was this was really the second episode that I had had with stroke like symptoms. (The previous one was about a year prior.)

So...I drive home and start looking for a new doc. I was ready for a new diabetic doctor anyway and quite honestly could not stand the possibility that I may just get patted on the head and told to head home from the family practitioner I had been seeing.

New doc was great...listened to me and most importantly did not pat me on the head. He suggested that we have an MRI done just to check things out. Two days later I get a call from his nurse saying there were some "abnormalities" on the MRI and they wanted me to see a Neurologist. Fortunately, they were able to get me in really quickly (aren't cancellations wonderful!!??!!) because I have a very active imagination and had all kinds of things going through my brain.

Neurologist says he believes it is MS but we should wait through the summer, redo the MRI and do a spinal tap. WOW...I knew absolutely nothing about MS so I began reading. And everything that had happened seemed to fall in line with what I was told to expect.

Waited through the summer. Saw the diabetic doc during this time and both he and nurse said that was what they thought. Said the six legions they saw on my brain was the worse he had seen. So, I was working through this and getting my head around what this meant now and for in the future.

Had another MRI done and then went to see the Neurologist in the early fall. Tanker was home on leave so he went with me. Now this doc thinks it is TIA's (mini strokes) and not MS. Now don't get me wrong...I am grateful. But I guess my whole problem with this is I had figured out in my mind how I was going to be able to handle the progression of MS while by myself until Tanker comes home permanently. Now it is mini strokes. Whole different ball game. How do I handle this by myself? And this doc put me on Plavix and basically sent me home. No suggestion that I stop smoking (even though I had but hadn't told the doc that), no talk of any other lifestyle changes I can make. When I asked what to do if I have any more episodes...he told me to check my blood sugar (totally agree...good plan) and then call either him or the diabetic doc. WHAT? Shouldn't we call 911 or at least go to the emergency room?

So...now I am working to wrap myself around this diagnosis. I am scared to death to get behind the wheel of a car and am thankful that Bonnie Blue is driving. Just finally started going back to the gym this week. Hate the drive but I am hopeful the exercise will outweigh my fear.

Heading back to the diabetic doc in about 12 days. This will be the first time that I will see him since the change in diagnosis. Need to see if he thinks I am crazy for wanting a second opinion. Also, having strange feelings in my right thigh. Not quite the falling asleep feeling like I get in my feet and hands. More of a burning sensation. My guess is Diabetic Neuropathy. And the beat goes on...

Safe place to vent...

2007-12-06T14:16:00.000-08:00

Since I have been so bad with blogging and the only one who reads this even occasionally is Ms. Smitten, I thought this might be a good place to vent. Wow...this past year has really sucked. There have been good things that have happened but overall 2007 has really been a challenge for me and I am hoping that I am able to do whatever is necessary to make 2008 better.

Have I said lately how much I hate where we live? And I have stayed here so that at least one of my kids has a normal upbringing without being drug all over the country! She graduates in May so once she is settled in college next fall, I will be in a better position to go to be with Tanker and get away from here. The funny thing about this whole situation is that he has been told he will not be able to extend his orders past next November. So now he is working on what he will do when he comes back home (he doesn't want to go back to driving a big truck)...so...that puts me back in small town USA. WOOHOO!!!

I have just had one too many situations in the past few months where people that I thought I could count on have let me down. UGH...don't ask me what you can do to help, agree to do something when I ask, and then not follow through. I guess this is just another learning experience.

There have been too many medical situations this past year that I have become very comfortable not leaving the house. I know this is part of my problem...I need to get out more. The sad thing is that I get out to go to church (Sunday AM, Sunday PM, and Wednesday PM) and this is the only place where I have contact with anyone. And there is where I find the disappointment. I know that Christians are human too but there is something that makes the disappointment even greater when it is done by folks who claim to be Christian. Enough...for now!

Wow...It's been too long!

2007-08-15T15:13:00.000-07:00

Ok...I knew I wouldn't be very good at this whole blogging thing but this is a little ridiculous!! Quit work and can't seem to find time to sit down at the computer but I am going to make an attempt...no promises but good intentions.

UPDATES:
Tanker is still Active Duty. He had surgery on his shoulder in March and is doing good with it. He actually worked on the Camaro when he was last home. Decisions are needing to be made because his orders will probably not be renewed in November. This will be the end of a 2 year stint as an OC/T ...so what to do? Stay tuned!

Bonnie Blue turned 17 on Monday. Can't believe my baby is going to be a Senior in High School!!! Senior pics were taken last week and school starts tomorrow so I guess it is happening if I am ready for it or not. She had a very busy summer. Took advantage of a program at Louisiana Tech which takes high school juniors and seniors for the summer. She lived on campus, took Algebra and Biology, and came home with B's in both classes. It was a great opportunity for her and I am really proud of her!!

Little Bubba is now the proud daddy of an even littler bubba. I guess I am getting used to being a grandma but is not easy to do living so far away. We were looking forward to seeing them this summer but a job change delayed that so I am hopeful everyone will be here for Christmas.

Big Bubba is now married to Miss Smitten. They had a beautiful wedding last November and are looking forward to her completion of this year of schooling. They were able to come down I guess about a month ago and all seems to be going well. He has been training for a marathon and calls on Saturday mornings after his run to give me an update. Who would have thought that a child I gave birth to would be able to run 20 miles??!!!

And me, Scarlett. I am not back to work yet...have really enjoyed being available to Bonnie Blue and Tanker. Joined Weight Watchers about a year ago and made Lifetime after loosing 31 lbs. Have gained a few back in the past month since I quit smoking...but I haven't had a cigarette in over 30 days, am back on program, and lost 2.4 lbs. last week. WOO HOO!! There have been some medical issues going on and I may get into that at some point but enough for now...

My Turn To Brag

2006-06-30T21:23:00.000-07:00

OK…one of the advantages of having a forum that few people read is that I can brag. And I am going to brag unabashedly!

This past week Bonnie Blue has been a Youth Counselor at our state’s National Guard Kids’ AT. It is a camp for kids of National Guardsmen that allows the kids to go away for a time like their parents do every summer for Annual Training (AT). I have tried over the past couple of years to get her interested in going as a camper and then last year as a Youth Counselor but she was never interested. Fortunately, this spring she attended a briefing at our armory that mentioned this camp and she showed some interest. Signed her up right away!!

Through the week I heard from her about every other night and she sounded like she was really enjoying herself. This is the kid who did absolutely nothing without her “posse”. If it was 4-H camp or church camp, she always did everything with a group of local kids and had never done anything like this where she knew absolutely no one! So that in and of itself made the whole week worthwhile.

And then…she was a squad leader. AND she was honored as the Youth Counselor of the Week for her Platoon. Too cool. She had an awesome time and now has a list of cell phone numbers for all of her new friends. Made her mama proud!!!

The other cool thing that happened is she got her ACT scores back. This is her first attempt (10th grade) and she was sure she had scored a 10 maybe 14 if she was lucky! Well she scored a 23 and was just thrilled. That will get her into any school in our state and will allow her to get the necessary state sponsored scholarships. She was upset with the science portion (which was 19 and brought down the 26 in English) but we know that the science program in this school district really stinks. Is there a science program in this district??!!

Anyway...the kid thinks this has been one of her best days in a long time!

I am done bragging and am going back to folding laundry. HOOAH!!

Our Travel Log

2006-06-23T05:03:00.000-07:00

As I said last night, we ran away from home and went to visit Tanker. As much as I hate the drive, it was great to spend some time as a family. So far this summer, the time is flying by.

• Driver’s Ed…check. Bonnie Blue is now the proud holder of a Learner’s Permit. It’s hard to believe our baby is old enough for this phase of her life but I am getting used to it and have actually survived a couple of rides with her at the wheel.

• Visit Tanker…check. It is amazing to me how my body is no longer happy with me sitting in a vehicle and driving for 8 hours! I used to do that at the drop of a hat to go visit the folks in PA when we were living in Kentucky. Those were the good ole’ days, I guess. Then to top it off, when we got on post the AC was out in his room so we had to move him into another unit…at 10 PM to a room on the 3rd floor with no elevator. This man sure has accumulated a lot of stuff since he has been there!

• Wedding…check. We flew to Pittsburgh to see my youngest cousin’s wedding and had a great time. Flew in on Friday, had dinner with the folks and my brother’s family, wedding on Saturday, stayed with sister Saturday night, and flew back out at 0600 on Sunday. The visit was WAY too short but Tanker had to be back to work so it was the best we could do. Bonnie Blue stayed until Wednesday so we had a few days of couple time which was great (wink, wink).

We are now back home and have a day to get all of Bonnie Blue’s laundry done. We head back out tomorrow morning. She is going to be a youth counselor for our NG Kid’s AT and I am looking forward to a week of peace by myself. Time to get the house back in order.

And ahead we have…

Head back to Tanker. They are having a 4th of July blowout on the post with a concert that we are going to go to. It will be good to spend a normal 4th with Tanker. Last year he was in Iraq and I was with my sister attending my uncle’s funeral. The year before that Tanker was home on leave during their pre-deployment training and we just wanted family time.

We then will come home for a couple of days and then head to the coast with my girlfriend. A week on the white sands of Destin (with a side trip to the outlet mall) will do Bonnie Blue and me some good!

Now all I have to plan is a 16th birthday party for Bonnie Blue in August. I think I want to try to surprise her but I am clueless. Any suggestions?

We are back!!

2006-06-22T19:50:00.000-07:00

Sorry for the disappearing act! We headed out to visit Tanker and the computer situation there was less than desirable. Thanks to those of you who have checked in while I have been gone (especially Miss Smitten) and I promise to update after I get some sleep.

06/06/06

2006-06-06T12:47:00.000-07:00

It is now 2:47 PM (CST) on 06/06/06 and we are still here. Imagine that!!

Motherhood

2006-06-03T06:05:00.000-07:00

As I have aged, my thoughts about motherhood and career have changed dramatically. I certainly bought into the whole “you can have it all” BS that was given to us as the result of the women’s movement. I worked my entire life with small amounts of time where I felt I needed to be home. And during those times I was home, I was constantly working on how I would get back into the workforce. It was just what I thought was expected. If I was a good enough Mom, if I was a good enough woman, I would figure out how to do this…juggle all these balls and make it work.

I remember vividly when Bonnie Blue was an infant and Big Bubba was about 9 years old. We had just moved to a new city after her birth and I had not yet found a job and, although I knew it was where I needed to be, I was having difficulty not contributing to the household financially. Issues of dependency I think now as I look back but I digress

Big Bubba would come home from school, literally throw his backpack in the front door, and head back outside. Everyday. Same ole’ thing. Whenever there was discussion of me going back to work, this boy became extremely quiet. Tanker felt Big Bubba just wanted to know I was there. A constant. Mom was home. And at the time, I was too young or too stupid to see it. I had grown up thinking I was inadequate if I wasn’t able to have well adjusted kids, the perfect home, AND a job.

The latest decision to head back home is the result of finally learning that I can’t have it all. Granted, I don’t have the benefit of having Tanker home to help with all of the activities that Bonnie Blue is involved with but the bottom line is that she needs me available. Being gone from the house for almost 50 hours a week wasn’t working for us. And my husband needs me. Although staying Active Duty is a decision he has made (and I support this decision completely), and he loves what he is doing, it is my job as a wife to be there for him.

This is a HUGH change in my thinking. There is such a peace that I am finally doing what is right. You probably wonder what brought this all on. Apparently, Elizabeth Vargas’ decision to leave ABC is causing folks in the women’s movement to question what’s really going on. Why can’t they just embrace this woman, support her decision, and believe what she is saying? Maybe there is more to the story, but why do they automatically question her decision.

God bless you, Elizabeth Vargas. Enjoy your time with your family. Because in the grand scheme of things, there is nothing more important than family.

Back From Iraq

2006-06-02T20:02:00.000-07:00

Our guys have been back from Iraq since last fall. Everyone I have talked to since then are dealing with what I see as normal post-deployment issues; i.e., sleeplessness, irritability, and the ever popular “creative” driving techniques. I will never forget the time I went to pick Tanker up during their demob process (they were sent home during the Hurricane Rita evacuation) and we got caught up in all the traffic caused by the folks heading north. Fortunately I was driving. We were in bumper to bumper traffic and I needed to get into the right lane to make an exit. To my right was a pickup whose driver was not very interested in being kind that day. Tanker’s response was “Just push him into the bridge!” He was just livid with this idiot in a pickup truck and I saw a look in his eyes that I never had seen before. This should have been my first indication that we might be headed for an interesting adjustment period.

Since their return, Tanker has stayed Active Duty and is stationed far enough away that we see each other a couple of times a month. It really isn’t any different than our life before he deployed. His civilian job (long haul trucker) required that he was home every other weekend and we had been doing this for about 3 years.

Over the past few months, I have occasionally wondered how things will be when this phase of our life is over and he is home full time but I can’t say that I have been too worried…until tonight.

During our conversation this evening, I was updating him on some of the guys in his unit and how they were doing. Some are having trouble adjusting to work, school, and/or living situations. I then mentioned one guy in particular whose wife had called and was concerned with some anger issues he was having.

Tanker then says…”I can understand that completely. I really had to check myself last weekend when you were so insistent about the Phelmer thing.” We had been discussing a change in ownership of a local auto repair shop and he had half of the facts right and I was just trying to explain the piece of information that he was missing. No big deal. Or so I thought.

This is the guy that is normally so easy going. We have always been proud of the fact that we really don’t argue. We both have been married before and really knew what we didn’t want when we married…and big blow up fights just weren’t part of what we wanted for us.

Fortunately, his next comment was that he thought he might go back to see the counselor that he saw a few times when he got back. And maybe I need to talk with the Family Life counselors they have available for us around here.

It’s been 9 months since he has been back in the states. He probably won’t be home for good until November. Maybe then we can really begin our “demob” process.

Memorial Day Weekend

2006-05-28T16:39:00.000-07:00

The past few days have been busy ones at Tara. My last day at work was Wednesday and I haven't really had a chance to enjoy the downtime yet.

Tanker got home about 0930 Thursday and we spent the afternoon helping get together decorations for Bonnie Blue's current best friend's 16th birthday party. Then dinner with the mother-in-law and her husband. Fried fish doesn't really fit in to the Weight Watchers program but I managed to stay on track with a baked potato and salad. Friday was spent working on Tankers latest project. He is rebuilding a 1978 Camero and having way too much fun with it!! My truck went in for it's latest checkup and came out with a $382. bill...great...two days after my last paycheck hits the bank. And Saturday we had some friends over to join us for dinner. Isn't life in a small town exciting??!!

Today we went to church to hear the interium pastor. Haven't been there in awhile - that whole situation will be fodder for another post - and I am praying fervently that they find a new pastor soon. I have come to the conclusion that I don't need to listen to another Baptist preacher who has Dr. in front of his name. It was the most tedious sermon I have heard in a long time. And if I get one more hug from an insincere person I will probably lose my lunch. There was, however, a very fitting tribute in the bulletin that I thought I would share.

They answered their country's
call to arms,
into battle they do go.
Where their final destination was,
no one will ever know.
May their final resting place,
under some unknown sod.
Be forever hallowed,
for it is known only to God.

We will take some time tomorrow to remember those who have made the ultimate sacrifice serving our country. This is one thing that they do right in small town USA.

Someone You Should Know

2006-05-22T21:45:00.000-07:00

I am not usually up at this hour...have to be up for work in about 5 hours and normally require at least 7 hours of sleep...but I just finished a great book. It is Heart Of A Soldier by James B. Stewart.

From the back cover:

Heart of a Soldier is the extraordinary story of war, love and comradeship, danger and heroism, told by a Pulitzer Prize winner who is one of our finest writers.

When Rick Rescorla got home from Vietnam, he tried to put combat and death behind him, but he never could entirely. From the day he joined the British Army to fight a colonial war in Rhodesia, where he met American Special Forces' officer Dan Hill who would become his best friend, to the day he fell in love with Susan, everything in his remarkable life was preparing him for an act of generosity that would transcend all that went before.

Heart of a Soldier is a story of bravery under fire, of loyalty to one's comrades, of the miracle of finding happiness late in life. Everything about Rick's life came together on September 11. In charge of security for Morgan Stanley, he successfully got all its 2,700 men and women out of the south tower of the World Trade Center. Then, thinking perhaps of soldiers he'd held as they died, as well as the woman he loved, he went back one last time to search for stragglers.

I wish I had known Rick Rescorla.

Reading of interest

2006-05-22T09:46:00.000-07:00

There are several blogs that I stalk...err....read on a pretty regular basis and have been following a few stories that you may find of interest:

This is a story I have been following since Brian Kilmeade did a story on Fox and Friends. I sent a card to Joshua during his stay at Walter Reed and have wondered what has been happening since. Take a tissue and check out the story on Joshua Sparling at The Gunn Nutt . You will see the best and the absolute worst America has to offer.

Another story I have been following is the closing of Fran O’Brien’s restaurant in the Capital Hilton, Washington, DC. Here is the latest, thanks to Fuzzilicious Thinking …and yes, I will be joining the boycott of all Hilton properties.

And last but certainly not least, Greg is a soldier that I have been following for awhile. He is back from Iraq and is now battling colon cancer. Leave a note of encouragement for him and his wife, Sher.

Later....

There IS good out there.

2006-05-19T18:25:00.000-07:00

It's been an interesting reading the newspapers lately. Seems like everywhere you turn there is nothing but negative news and then...I find this amazing story about people going above and beyond the call of duty. Active duty soldiers miss so many important events in their kid's lives and now, because of the goodness that is out there, there is a group of soldiers that will be able to see their children's graduation from high school. Too cool! Check it out here.

And for those of you who know me well, did you see the hyperlink? I'm learning!

Our Pathetic Life

2006-05-16T12:16:00.000-07:00

Can anyone explain to me what's up with Grey's Anatomy? This is one show that Bonnie Blue and I both have on our "must see" list and Sunday/Monday's finale was no exception. We have gotten to where we watch everything after the fact on Tivo but didn't on Monday. Sat through commercials and all. Isn't Tivo wonderful?! There were so many good parts:

Webber...His wife setting him straight. It was a "You go girl!" moment.
Webber's neice...When she is telling him that she has been loved. Cool.
George...God bless him. He just needs to get over Meredith but I am not convinced that the bone girl is my choice for him.
Yang...I know this girl has emotional issues but please! I was glad she finally got over it and did the right thing with Burke.
Izzy...can you say dumb blond? Make that dumb, dumb blond. But then when Denny said it was his turn and gave his little speech, Bonnie Blue says "How cheesie!". It was a good opportunity for me to explain to her that I hope she finds someone who is that cheesie with her.
Doc...The tears started when they were putting him to sleep. I guess having just gone through that ourselves it just hit too close to home. I was glad to see Meredith pull her hand away when Derek touched her.
Alex...I knew this guy always had it in him. When he picked Izzy up and held her - we started the ugly cry!

I am so over the whole Meredith/McDreamy thing. We both were actually screaming at the TV when they went into the room...DON'T KISS HER...OH NO. THEY ARE NOT GOING TO. Once again, I am making a learning experience from a fictual television show.

So, does she pick Finn or McDreamy? We have decided that she really needs to not pick either of them and should go back to knitting. We like the vet too much to want him involved in all her drama and since Derek decided to stick it out with his wife he ought to stay there.

How pathetic is this? A whole, longwinded post on a TV show!!!

HAPPY MOTHERS DAY

2006-05-14T06:56:00.000-07:00

OK...What's the deal with guys and Mother's Day? Earlier this week I ordered some chocolate covered strawberry's for my mother (her absolute favorite) and decided I should check with Tanker about his mom. I am thinking with the new laptop he has that he should be able to do the online thing for her too - but nooo he hadn't even thought about it!

So, this morning there is a beautiful plant in a really unusual container sitting on her table in all the colors that she loves. And she will spend another delusional year thinking her youngest son thought of her today. I just hope he remembers to call her!

The things we do for our loved ones...

The Winds of Change

2006-05-13T05:58:00.000-07:00

I am sitting here this morning thinking about all the changes that are about to happen with our family this summer. The big thing is I have resigned and my last day of work is Friday. 5 more days.

Now, I never really thought of this as a "real" job...I've always said my last "real" job was 8 years ago (did I actually say eight? OMG!!) when I worked as Director of Human Resources for a division of about 350 restaurants. Tanker got really tired of following me around (3 moves in 3 years) and we settled in the middle of nowhere near his family. But this job allowed me to learn about a different industry and kept me busy during his deployment. And my coworkers were lifesavers during that time.

It is time to move on...or actually get my priorities straight and be more available to Tanker and Bonnie Blue. She is almost done with high school and, before we know it, she will be gone. She never has really been good at entertaining herself and the thoughts of her being on her own, at this age, for 11 hours a day was not very appealing to me. She has a friend that she spends WAY too much time with (that whole story will be left for another day) so I am trying to keep her busy. So far we have planned...

Driver's Ed...2 weeks of 0830 to 1130.
Trip to visit my family up north for a wedding. (This will be WAY cool. My family has not seen Tanker since he got back from the sandbox.)
Bonnie Blue is going to be a youth counselor for our National Guards Kids AT.
Working on a trip to the Gulf Coast with my best friend.
Little Bubba is going to visit over 4th of July with his soon to be step-daughter.
And, of course, we will be able to spend more time with Tanker. His schedule will be less flexible this summer and won't be able to come home as much as he has this spring.

This puts us through about the middle of July. If I can handle all the driving we should be busy! And I was worrying about what I would do if I wasn't working!!

Take a minute...

2006-05-09T18:59:00.000-07:00

As usual, I am running behind, but May is Military Appreciation Month.

Loyalty Day, May 1
VE Day, May 8
Military Spouse Day, May 12
Armed Forces Day, May 20
Memorial Day, May 29

Make a point this month to thank an servicemember (active/guard/reserve), veteran, or military family member. I know, from personal experience, that just letting a servicemember's family know that you appreciate their sacrifice will be greatly appreciated. Alot of times, the family member of a servicemember (especially guard and reserve) feel very isolated while their soldier is deployed. Most live miles away from a military installation and the people they interact with on a daily basis are understandably clueless. Let them know you care!

We purchased a new home about 3 years before Tanker was deployed. For months I had been complaining about the fact that I could not get a sturdy enough flag pole to fly my flag on because there is always a rather strong wind at our house. I can't even begin to tell you how many bent flag poles I have thrown away!! Tanker had been overseas about 3 months when Bonnie Blue and I went to Big Bubba's college graduation. On the way home I spent a good bit of the 4 hour ride feeling sorry for everyone because Tanker was not there to see him walk. I mean, he was so proud of the fact that Big Bubba was a college graduate...and had done it pretty much on his own with the academic scholarships he had received...and Tanker was thousands of miles away. Let me tell you - I can work up a pretty good pity party and I was at the peak when we pulled in our road and I saw something in my headlights that looked totally out of place. There in the perfect spot in the middle of my front yard was a gleaming commercial grade flag pole!! I sat there for several moments with the lights shining on it and tears streaming down my face looking at both the United States and Army flags flying. Friends of ours from our church had taken the time to put this up while we were gone! I can't even begin to explain how much this meant/means to me.

So the moral of the story is...take some time to listen and learn what you can do to help a military family. It doesn't have to be this time consuming (although Dennis swears to this day that it took them no time at all to get it cemented in) but do something to let them know you are there for them!!

And make sure your flag is flying...

Who's Who

2006-05-07T17:26:00.000-07:00

Since I will be attempting to post anonymously...I do have a teenage daughter that I seem to embarrass with great frequency and a husband in the military (wouldn't want to ruin his career completely!)...I thought it might be helpful to tell you who's who.

Hubby is affectionately referred to as Tanker. Just seems to fit. He is currently on Active Duty training troops to deploy overseas and loving it. The only down side is he is stationed about 8 hours from home. We are used to him being away from home alot (his civilian job was a long haul flatbed trucker) but after the deployment it just seems that we should get back to normal - whatever that is!

Our oldest son (24 y/o) is Big Bubba and graduated from college while Tanker was in Iraq. He lives about 4 hours away and is planning on going to law school. Big Bubba is absolutely smitten with a wonderful young lady who I am sure will be our daughter-in-law shortly.

Our next son (23) is Little Bubba. Daughter nicknamed them that years ago! Little Bubba lives "up north" about 13 hours away, and is settling down with a great girl (and her 2 y/0 daughter). They are expecting a child in October '06. I am hoping they will marry before the baby is born!

Daughter (15) is Bonnie Blue although this may become BB or Bonnie because I tend to be just lazy sometimes. I asked her for a nickname suggestion and she followed the whole Tara theme here. She is the only child left in the house and is spoiled rotten. While shopping today I decided we may have to have an intervention to handle her shoe addiction problem!

And I am Scarlett. I am a 40 something wife, and about to be stay at home mom. I have decided that I need to be available for both Tanker and Bonnie Blue this summer. I expect by the time school starts in the fall I will be needing to go back to work but, who knows, maybe I will actually enjoy the domestic goddess thing! I am involved with a great group called Soldier's Angels - check them out at www.soldiersangels.org - and am a co-leader for Tankers unit's FRG (Family Readiness Group). You will probably begin to see a thread in my posts. I am very pro-military and have absolutely no tolerance for those who do anything to disrespect the work these folks are doing for us. Enough said.

So, there you go. Until next time...

This is an interesting beginning.

2006-05-05T18:08:00.000-07:00

I didn't blog through the time hubby was was in Iraq...and there was plenty of drama to write about then! It may have helped. Who knows. But we survived and he is now back in the states and for that I am eternally grateful.

Now we are learning how to keep going with an 8 hour car ride between us...a teenage daughter living here at home...#2 son about to make us grandparents...and #1 son comtemplating marriage.

So if you are interested - hang on tight - and enjoy the ride!!!